is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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