the condom got lost in my hair
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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