Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
