my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
