I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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