We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
