he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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