i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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