Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
