These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
