I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
