Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
