I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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