fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
