Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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