a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
