if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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