why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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