So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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