He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
