HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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