Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid