Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?