Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.