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I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
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