I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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