I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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