Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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