well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
