You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
