I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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