Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
