oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
