I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
