I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
