Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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