Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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