im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
