How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
