Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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