ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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