thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
