you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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