Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
