Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
