i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
