I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
