Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your penis caused this!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
