so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
