o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
