Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
