apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
