Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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