I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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