Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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