Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize