I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
