How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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