plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize