arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
