It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
