is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
