Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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