you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
